My Summer, God’s Providence

I’m a Bruncher! I love eating breakfast for lunch.  Given any opportunity by myself, with a good girlfriend or a new acquaintance, I’ll brunch!

Cinnamon Croissant French Toast & Caramel Macchiato @ La Madeleine
Cinnamon Croissant French Toast & Caramel Macchiato @ La Madeleine

So, on May 18th, 2019 a sunny Spring Saturday, I joined a good girlfriend for brunch. But before I met her, I scheduled my yearly mammogram that was already four months overdue.  The brunch spot made it convenient to drop by the doctor’s office and get a mammogram in minutes. Done, I walked out the office with a big smile on my face that afternoon feeling like I’d defeated procrastination and could now check mammogram off my list.  It was a great day girlfriend brunch time as the sun shined bright on my face.

We laughed; we ate; we told story after story and as the time passed the restaurant emptied signaling us to wrap it up and with tight hugs we did, only to anticipate the next time.

With my girlfriend cup full, it was back to the business of life and that week I received a call.  “Hi Katina, this is the Breast Center needing you to come back in for a 3D breast exam.”  It seemed like a normal visit with extra precaution. I convinced Adam to take me so we could have a romantic midday date. We arrived with not much thought because I had had 3D breast exams before.  But this wasn’t like before.  I also needed a sonogram. As the sonogram came to an end, the Tech said, “Did they schedule you for your biopsy?”. With a puzzled look, I asked, “for what?”. She paused then said, “Let me go get the Oncologist.” Adam and I looked at one another and waited for the Oncologist.

He entered the quiet room with a pleasant look on his face. He greeted Adam and I with a warm hand shake and he sat in the chair beside the examining table where I sat and then the Tech stood. I waited to hear what he had to say.  He spoke with a voice of concern and urgency. All I heard was “You have cancer…breast cancer…Ductal Carcinoma in Situ DCIS…stage zero.” He explained it; Adam and I asked questions.  And just like that with my next appointment scheduled, my sweet husband drove me home. I only had one question for Him; God, really God, me? No answer from Him just an unusual long quiet drive home.   Adam broke his silence, “How do you feel” Adam asked?  I babbled on and on, I know he really wasn’t ready for all that.  But he listened and said, “Let’s just wait for the biopsy results.”

The biopsy came and only to confirm I in fact had DCIS stage zero.  I cried and Adam prayed to Jesus with a voice of tribute, thanksgiving, and praise.  I could not wrap my head around what God was doing. I did know He was in control of this but I wanted Him to take this cup from me.  I cried out to Jesus after asking Him why 50 million times.  I then heard Him saying, “Tell me why Luke 1:38 is one of your favorite scriptures.”  And just like that I paraphrased it: Mary said, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.  This is my favorite scripture God because it reminds me that I am Your servant, forever surrendering to You to do Your work.  And while I think I’m in control I’m not and I have nothing to do with how You use me.”  I was still.

This is His divine providence Galatians 1:15, being complete in and through me to ensure His Will is done; His intentional plan to prosper me not to harm me, to give me hope and a future living in Him, Jeremiah 29:11; He has in fact ordered my steps Psalm 119:133 to walk through this with Him guiding me down the good days when I’m singing every song and making jokes with everyone, bad days when the radiation burned like crazy and ugly days like these scares that  are a part of my healing praise and process road with the Holy Spirit strengthening me.

My well seemed shallow, but in Him it’s endless.

Tent Rocks National Monument, New Mexico

It is well my good girlfriends. The lump was removed.  The radiation completed.  My scarred breast is healing.  My heart and mind remember God’s blessings and His loving kindness toward me that my hope is built on nothing but Him and  the Holy Spirit continues to whisper the truths of Him that He is the Healer, that He is my Present Help, that He is the Giver of Life, that He is the Great I Am and that He will always be with me and that He has given me beauty for my ashes, gladness for my mourning, and praise for my faint spirit…Isaiah 61:3.

TRUST GOD to heal your pain.

TRUST GOD to handle your trials.

TRUST GOD with your life.

Are you allowing God’s Providence to direct you?.


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